“Are you done?”
Have you been asked this question? When people see you have two ‘older’ kids, sometimes they will ask:
‘So, are you done?’ . They mean having more children. I always stumble and fumble at the answer… most invariably ending up with a version of ‘I am not sure‘ or ‘Definitely’ , depending on how the day is going. ;)
Sometimes they will ask more pointedly, “Are you going to try for a boy?“, and well that makes me into a crazy person because well, my girls are perfect and can do anything a boy does and I have never had the desire to have a boy and somehow I take it to mean that my girls are ‘less than’. I am sure this is not the person’s intent when asking.. but I tend to verge on crazy.
So how do you KNOW for sure? I have friends who know so confidently they are done. I admire their confidence of knowing exactly what they want. Truth be told, now that my younger daughter is 4, a new baby seems like something almost ‘intrusive’ in our lives. We have a routine, the kids sleep through the night and go to the bathroom all by themselves… they can even get into car-seats without help and we can actually stay out the whole day without needing naps. We have most definitely moved past the baby stage. But every single time I pull into the garage, I see the baby crib… and I have yet to list it on craigslist, because, well, what if we need it one day?
I also have friends who are utterly confident that they want more children. They have kept all the maternity clothes and baby stuff. I am not on that end of the spectrum either. I have some baby clothes.. but mostly as artifacts of my children’s baby days.. not for another child. I have no maternity clothes, no baby bouncer or baby car-seat. So perhaps that is a sign? I read somewhere that once you give away your maternity clothes, it means that you are definitely done. Uh oh.
And finally one of my friends said that she doesn’t want a new baby, she just wishes sometimes that her kids would be babies again for a few minutes so she could snuggle them and hold them. So true.
So the question remains, how do YOU know when you are done? I certainly don’t know for 100% sure… though at age 35, the term ‘advanced maternal age’ brings with it its own set of worries. And there is that ‘we already have two perfect children, a happy happy life, why mess with that?‘
I have never met a single parent, who after having baby number 3 or 4 or 5 has ever said ‘I wish we had not had this baby‘. Never. Each baby is a blessing.
Lastly, unlike where I grew up, where cousins were like brothers and sisters, in the USA, it seems like family units are more isolated (distances, jobs etc etc)… so it would be nice to have more children… just so they have more siblings to grow up with and share life experiences with and call each other when they need to talk.
Just some random thoughts floating in my head this morning as I was proofing Kinley’s session.