To my sweetest, dearest baby girl,
You are 6 today. SIX. You now need two hands to show people your age.
Six years ago, on a beautiful January day, you came into this world. And in that instant all my worries about how I could possibly love another baby as much as I did your sister disappeared. My heart grew twofold, no tenfold. You arrived on your due date and in the early morning. You were born at home and that meant I could snuggle and nap with you in my bed after the midwives had left in the late morning. Your sister’s birth was joyous but fraught with doubt and uncertainty. After all, a mother was born that day too. I had to learn to hold a baby, to nurse a baby, to change a baby, to burp a baby, to swaddle a baby. For your birth, I already had experience, and confidence and did not worry as much (if at all). Which meant I enjoyed your baby days infinitely more than when your sister was born. It was not easy but it was like walking through a dark tunnel knowing there was light at the end of it, not hoping there was light at the end of it.
Sweet girl, did you know your big sister was right there, at the foot of the bed, when you were born? She was very excited, partly because she was 2 years old and knew but really didn’t know what was going on, and partly because she had had a bowl of M&Ms for breakfast (my mom had to do what she had to do to keep her bursting into our room before it was time). Her memory of the day is slowly fading, but for a long long time after you were born, she told the story to everyone she met.
But all that was six years ago. Look at you now, a kindergartner. Learning to read. A comedienne. A born entertainer. A natural in front of the camera. My muse. You love to go to school, to ride your bike and scooter, to play with your friends and imaginary friends. You have the sweetest lisp and you have lost your two bottom teeth. You still love the colour pink and Barbies.. but not as much as a year ago. You like Hot Chelle Rae and Gym Class Heroes, you love to sing a long and dance dance dance. You are such a delight.
A couple of days ago, you were lying in my bed before dance class and you held out your arms for me to snuggle you. I did of course and in a sweet voice you said ‘Mama, my sister is my best friend‘. Indeed. And then you cried because you were sad that when you grew up you would live separately from her and you would miss her. Oh sweetheart, your six year old heart is so beautiful.
I miss you terribly still. You going to school has left a wide gap in my life. The house is quiet at 7:00am. You used to go drop your sister to the busstop in your pajamas and then skip back home, get back in bed and snuggle with me. I miss that. You used to be my breakfast buddy, chattering away while I drank my tea. I miss that too. You used to skip skip skip through the grocery store, and Target and the post office and the bank, declaring loudly ‘I love you Mommy!‘ when I least expected it. You were my lunch buddy on Mondays. You needed me to lie down with you for a nap in the afternoon, and even though I had many important things to do around the house and for work, more often than not I obliged. I miss that. You going to school has been the hardest transition in my life so far. It means our family has officially moved on to this next stage in our life.
If I looked up ‘JOY’ in the dictionary, I would not be surprised to find a picture of you in there. Your Daddy and I love you so very much. Your sister loves you too. Happy Birthday sweet girl. May you always have as much joy in your life as you bring into ours.
Hugs and Kisses and lots of love, Mama